Day 8 Reflections: Austin

Day 8

I have that feeling that I had earlier when the guards were pushing everyone out of St. Peters because it was closing time. 

"But... I don't wanna go..."

"(rambling annoyed italian)"

"fine..."

I hope I did it well. I hope I figured something out. I hope I didn't fly halfway around the world to realize I blew it. missed what I was supposed to find. 

nah

But I know all those thoughts are from the bad spirit. These are the thoughts that desolation brings. That same desolation that God has been so insistent that I learn to fight. 

I did well. I didn't do it perfectly, but I did my best and I'm very happy with that. So what did I learn on this trip?

I learned that God grants requests, first of all. Oh gosh, my theme this whole week has been this whole consolation-desolation prayer relationship. The challenge of praying when I feel empty just as well as I do when I'm overjoyed. I had both kinds of moments, and looking back, I can see clearly now that God planned that. I would have almost alternating days of highs and lows. Almost like God was telling me one day "I'm here, remember this, hold on to this, keep me with you and do not forget." And the next day He would be silent, urging me to live up to what He commanded the day before. In this way, I asked God to make me stronger. Make me less flimsy. Less wavering in what I believe. It works. And I love him for it. 

I bugged Mr. Romano all day to let me go back to St. Peters. I was so happy to see it one last time. I'm so happy there. Its like walking into heaven. A heaven thats being thoroughly photographed by representatives of every nationality. Ever.

Which I admit, can be annoying. I feel like so many people go in there and miss the whole point. Its not just pretty. Its not just huge. Its not just a new profile picture.

Its God. It's his house.

But Im in no position to judge that. The church wants people to see her. To take a look. Even if its just for a facebook picture. Because the church is open. It just wants people to come home. 

At the same time though, of course, I've seen great life in the church here. Thousands of people crowded into St. Peters square for the angelus. Girls were screaming. People were playing instruments and waving flags. 

The church is alive. Its comforting to know in a world that can be so lost, God is still very much in charge. 

So, leaving St. Peter's, I turned around one last time. I made a promise.

The next time I come to St. Peter's, I'm going to be even better. I'll have loved more, complained less, let go of those things that are secondary. I will be a little more worthy to set foot inside that place. 

Until then, I'll be unpacking this experience. I have to, as Father Johnson said, live it out before I really know "How it went." 

Thank you so much to everyone that made this trip possible. I grew in so many ways. some of which Im sure I haven't even discovered yet. 

Thank God, Austin

(me, doing EXACTLY what I was complaining about other people doing in this very blog post. Whoops)

Day 7: Austin

Man, tough luck. My post from last night just got deleted out of no where. Too bad too, I talked about God and stuff... 

I need sleep if I'm gonna function tomorrow, so Im going to do that now. Nothing ground breaking today anyway, just a another day on the journey. and I Made it.

Thank God, Austin

Days 5 and 6 from Brandon

Sorry I missed a day. We're going nonstop here, it's hard to find time to write, but when I do, like right now, I love sharing with you what I've been privileged to do. So, we had two very busy days yesterday, Tuesday, and today, Wednesday. I'll give you the short versions.

Yesterday, we had the privilege of having the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass at a side altar in St. Peter's. Fr. Johnson said Mass for us. As I've written, St. Peter's is beyond massive, it's impossible to even wrap your head around the whole size while you're in there. So it was incredible to go to our one little corner in the southwest side of the basilica, just the 11 of us, and focus on Jesus Christ present on the altar, as our Holy Sacrifice. The entire environment and feel of St. Peter's just points you to God. It points to the Eucharist. If there was no Eucharist, there would not be any need for a House so fit for God. But, the reality is, Jesus Christ the Son of God is present in our midst, so in the 16th century, they built as best a house for Him as they could. And it continued to nourish us to this day while we had Mass and focused on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the Eucharist.

After Mass, and some more touring of St. Peter's, we took a break before returning to St. Peter's to the Scavi Tour. The Scavi Tour is a private tour in the Vatican where you go into the Necropolis underneath St. Peter's, directly beneath the basilica floor. Long story short, this necropolis is 2,000 years old, with pagan and Christian burials, and traditionally was believed to hold the grave of St. Peter, the Prince of the Apostles. Well, under the excavations of Popes Pius XII and Paul VI, that tomb was found, and the bones found near it. For those skeptics out there reading this, every major archaeologist on the project agreed the evidence proved it. The DNA matched a Mediterranean man his age, who had done hard labor his whole life. Near the grave, was a mark of a huge P where on the bottom of the P there were three lines coming out, so it looked like P and E, the first two letters of his name in Latin. The closer they got to the site of the alleged tomb, the more that symbol appeared, over a thousand years old. And, finally, they found a piece of graffiti on the inside of the tomb, from before the tomb could have been sealed that said, "Peter is here." The Church has declared it to be his remains.

Anyway, after giving my small argument for its validity, that was a kind of awakening for me. This whole trip we've prayed before the relics and tombs of great Saints. Francis, Clare, Ignatius, Robert Bellarmine, and even more. These men lived for Jesus. But Peter... Peter lived with Jesus! He knew Jesus, talked to Him, touched Him! This is not theoretical, this is a man who knew Christ on Earth, was His best friend! And I'm looking at this man's bones! How much more real can it get? Just contemplating over that made me smile, it made me dumbfounded as to how there's so much doubt, so much confusion over the faith, and sometimes it doesn't seem real, but this man was very real, Jesus Christ was very real, and I knelt and prayed for intercession before the bones of St. Peter, Prince of the Apostles, the first Pope, the man who knew and loved Jesus Christ on Earth. This also reminded me of the gift of the Eucharist, it is Christ just as present as when He was here 2,000 years ago. So why don't we go talk to Him more in the Eucharist?

Those were the highlights of yesterday. Today, Wednesday, was a great day too. We started with attending the general audience of Pope Francis in St. Peter's Square, this is different from the Angelus, where we just saw him from a window. Today, we saw him from the front of St. Peter's Square, and heard him deliver a sermon on the need for better care and love of children.

After the general audience, we went to the Jesuit Curia, which is like the Jesuit's government. We met Fr. Rodriguez, an old friend of Fr. Bravo, who now works for the Father General, the head priest of the Jesuits, here at the Curia (Toan likes to call it the Jesuit Korea). He gave us a tour, told us about discernment, why he loves the Jesuits, and gave us advice on our own discernment. He was a very interesting priest and was very engaging with us. We got an amazing view of the city from the roof of the Jesuit Curia.

After the Curia, we went to the Church of Santo Spirito in Sassia (Holy Spirit in Saxony) which is now partially dedicated to St. John Paul the Great and the Divine Mercy. It was beautiful, and St. John Paul the Great is very special to some of us on this trip. After Santo Spirit in Sassia, we took a break and some of us went back the Bellarmino, the Jesuit house where Jesuits attending the Gregorian University live, including our friend Fr. Brian Reedy who has joined us for a lot of the trip and given us some inside tips on the city. I had a nice quick nap on the roof of the Bellarmino, and considering we haven't had good weather the last few days, having some sun today was nice. We did a quick tour of the Pantheon after the Bellarmino, but the Pantheon is not too big, nor is it a very well shaped Church. As Fr. Reedy put it, "It was built for pagans to worship all their gods, and it still feels that way." So, it is pretty awkward, just that everything is in a circle and the side altars go around in circles instead of straight down the chuch. Not to mention, there were so many TOURISTS there! Way way way more than any church we've been to. It's hard to pray when hundreds of people are laughing, yelling, using selfie sticks, in a place you consider sacred. But it was still an amazing beautiful church built for the Greater Glory of God. 

After the Pantheon, we went to Santa Maria sopra Minerva, which is just a few blocks from the Pantheon. St. Catherine of Sienna is buried under the high altar there, the church is gorgeous. There were some Missionaries of Charity, Mother Teresa's order of nuns, praying there too, we loved seeing them. After Santa Maria sopra Minerva, we went to San Andrea, where St. Stanislaus Kostka, the patron of Strake Jesuit, is buried. Stanislaus was a Jesuit novice who died very young. We were able to venerate his relics too. It was very powerful asking him for intercession in my ministry at Strake Jesuit, a place paced under his patronage.

Finally, after San Andrea, we went to our last stop, Santa Maria Maggiore, one of the four major Basilicas in Rome (the others being St. Peter's, John Lateran, and St. Paul Outside the Walls). Inside the crypt of Santa Maria Maggiore is a piece of the real manger Jesus was born in, brought to Rome by St. Helena, who was the mother of Constantine, Emperor of Rome. This crypt chapel of the manger is the same chapel where St. Ignatius said his first Mass as a priest. St. Ignatius waited almost a year after being ordained to celebrate his first Mass, so that it could be in this chapel on Christmas, because he had a strong devotion to the Nativity. We get to have Mass there tomorrow morning! We are beyond surprised we managed to reserve the chapel for tomorrow, and can't wait for it tomorrow.

This basically concludes our day. There were many stops today, lots of walking around, at least 14 miles according to our phones. It was a great day, seeing the sun again, and seeing so many amazing churches built for the greater Glory of God. We only have two full days left, but I know they will be filled with grace and blessings from God Almighty and from our Mother in Heaven. Thank you for praying for us. We pray for our friends, family, and donors every day. More updates to come!

Breakfast!

One of the relics of the Jesuit saints, housed in the Curia chapel

The Curia chapel

Nick on the Curia roof

Amazing views on the roof of the Curia

I was in love with the Curia roof

Santo Spirito in Sassia

St. John Paul the Great at a side altar in Santo Spirito

Santo Spirito in Sassia from the outside

The Bellarmino from the view of the roof

Michael outside the Pantheon

The gang outside the Pantheon (that's Fr. Reedy in the middle)

Santa Maria sopra Minerva

St. Catherine of Siena's body in the high altar (Toan and Austin praying)

Our Lady

St. Stanislaus Kostka's tomb

San Andrea

Frescoed ceiling of St. Maria Maggiore

More frescoes!

The Missionaries of Charity praying at the high altar with St. Catherine's body

(A day late) Day 3: Toan's Summary

Toan and Thomas 

Ad Jesus Per Mariam

A little summary of our version of day 3: Mr. Romano, Nick, Blaschke, Thomas, and I split from the others so we could go buy some last minute religious gifts before Pope Francis blessed us, our families, and our items at the Angelus. Afterwards, we went to get a little treat, some cannoli (Mr. Romano's treat-Thanks!) and we had a nice little chat with the Italian men next to us. One of them gave Mr. Romano the evil eye for helping me when the guy tried to test my Italian. Afterwards, we went to the Obelisk to meet up with the other group for Pope Francis' Angelus, but we found out they were in line for St. Peters. The whole time it had been raining, but it felt like a blessing from God when the rain stopped about 15 minutes before Papa Francesco came out. When the Pope came out, it was amazing. You just had to be there. Back in the states, you see on Facebook the pictures, videos, and articles about Pope Francis, but it's an entirely different thing when you see the person (even though he was the size of my fingernail). We got all our religious gifts blessed, met up with the other group and headed back. The other group split from us to go eat lunch while we headed back to Angel house to rest up. 

Mr. Romano and I went to get Austin so that we could go do a holy hour. But before we left, we made sure to put Neiers' in charge to meet us at the Gesu because the whole was asleep. Mr. Romano, Austin, and I headed for the Gesu and on our way we saw ancient Roman ruins. It was really cool because they had frescos on the wall and it was like a temple of worship. When we got to the Gesu, it was locked so we had to go to the church of St. Ignatius. The churches here are in a different league from the states. They are so ornate, beautiful, big, and detailed, completely unlike back home. I headed straight for the first tabernacle I could find because finding Him exposed in the monstrance, strangely enough, is hard to do in Rome. The other group met up with us at the end of our Holy Hour and then we just explored all the side altars. I did my Holy Hour before the side altar that held the remains of St. Aloysius Gonzaga which was special because the cabin house I led for Kairos was the Gonzaga cabin. Some other Saints there were St. Robert Bellarmine and St. John Berchman. There's a lot of genuflecting when there are so many tabernacles, but before the Good Lord, how can we do anything less. One of the crazy things was the fake dome in St. Ignatius church, which Blaschke wrote about earlier. The ceiling is really flat, but when you look at it, the perspective of the painting is so ingenious it seems like a dome.

After St. Ignatius church, we headed to the Jesuit's Gesu church. It was here we got to visit the very place St. Ignatius died, the house he lived in is attached to the Gesu. Before and after Mass, we looked around a bit and saw: St. Ignatius' chair, desk, shoes, a bust of his head placed at his actual height, his chasuble, his handwriting and signature, his books, and his cabinets. We had the privilege of Fr. Johnson saying Mass for us in the room where St. Ignatius died. It was first St. Ignatius' office where he worked, but near his death it was converted to his bedroom. It was crazy to think when we looked around, "this is what St. Ignatius was looking at near his last moments." I especially remember one point during the Mass when I closed my eyes at the "Holy, Holy, Holy Lord..." and thought about the  hidden reality at each Mass. That is, each Mass is heaven on earth as the Church Triumphant(all the Saints) gather with us and sing the "Holy, Holy, Holy" in communion. When I closed my eyes, in my mind, I knew interiorly St. Ignatius looked upon us with favor. At Mass, Nick did the first reading, Austin the Psalm, and Neiers did second reading where at the end he forgot to say "The Word of the Lord" and Fr. Bravo stepped in to save him. 

After Mass and a short thanksgiving, we went downstairs to what Fr. Reedy and Fr. Johnson called the "laser light show with dancing Jesuits." I finally understood what they meant when 5:30 pm the statue of St. Ignatius was revealed behind this painting by a machine. A heavenly choir did Gregorian Chant while certain spotlights illuminated different things to look at with a Italian narrator. Prior to the unveiling, we looked around the Gesu to pray before a multitude of side altars that held the remains of Jesuits such as St. Ignatius, St. Francis Xavier's arm, and Pedro Arrupe. If you have the time, look up one of my favorite prayers written by him "Fall in Love". The first thing we did was read this prayer at the cross in Italian that Brandon translated that spoke of the 21 Coptic Christians. It was at the Gesu I finally saw Jesus exposed in a monstrance, it was beautiful. It was a moment where I said to Jesus "You weren't lying were you. I sought You and I finally found You. I knocked and You opened the door. Thank You so much and I love You."

After the great unveiling, a few pictures, and a lot of genuflecting, I lead the rest of the group upstairs to a hidden place. The staircase was spiral and the first time I went up alone, I felt as if the stairs were never ending. It felt twice the length it took to get to the third floor of the STEM building. When we got there we saw part of the real cross that St. Ignatius actually prayed before. It was a 2nd class relic and so we did something insane. We got all of our religious gifts out of our backpacks and started touching all our gifts to the 2nd class with the intention of making our gifts a 3rd class relic. After realizing it was okay we moved explored the rest of the room that was dedicated specifically to Mary. It had all these ornate chasubles used for the Latin Mass and even the chair of the Pope(Pope Francis doesn't want to sit in a chair because he wants to be simple). Behind the big statue of Mary was a reliquary that held all these Saints' body part/belongings. One of the crazy things that I saw was what was believed to be the true cross that Jesus died on and part of the lance that pierced His side, along with one thorn from the crown. When we finished, we walked down the staircase. It felt like the stairway was leading us straight to hell because it was so far (joking!).

When we left the Gesu, we went to buy groceries and brought them home. We departed again to the pizzeria we ate on the first night with Fr. Reedy and we had a great time. Mr. Romano even ran into someone he knew who is now visiting his seminarians in Rome as the vocation director of Dallas. Fr. Bravo calls Sunday night at that place "clergy night" because we had, I believe, over 13 priests were present to eat. We ended the day with night prayer with our house and Fr. Bravo, Patrick, Austin, Martin, and Blaschke, and all headed home. 

Written on Day 4:

Thanks be to God for the wonderful day. Today in Assisi I lit a candle next to the very cross(San Damiano) St. Francis of Assisi heard Christ speak to him from for all my friends, family, and those that support us. You are constantly in our prayers. May God bless you for all you are doing. Please pray that we don't experience anymore rain. And a huge, huge, huge, huge thanks to Mr. Chris Gattis for all that he did for us so that Asssis would go smoothly. Please offer up a prayer for him as well. Thank you and Deo Gratias.

Humbly yours,

Toan

Day 4 in Assisi from Brandon

Today was different, today was our day trip to Assisi. Yesterday, we went to the Gesu, St. Ignatius church, and St. Ignatius' bedroom, but Toan just posted about that, so I'll let you know what we did today in Assisi.

Well, to start, I had to wake up at 5:15 AM. Our train to Assisi left Termini in Rome at 8, and we had to take the bus to get there as it's quite too far to walk, especially in the early morning. So, we met the other guys at the Corso house at 6:15, got on the bus at about 6:30, and arrived at Termini around 7. Our train was delayed 25 minutes, so we got our tickets, found out which platform to meet at, and split up to find some breakfast. Fr. Johnson and I went to a caffe and got some coffee, I had to do some translating for him to order. 

After a while of hanging out at Termini, sort of like their Grand Central, we boarded the train to Assisi. It was early and we were all very tired, but we still managed to be a hoard of loud Americans compared to the quiet Europeans on their usual commute. The ride there was actually great, some guys played cards, some of us just shared stories, we all played Catholic Trivia that I brought, and Michael and Mr. Romano slept a bit. The views of the Italian countryside were incredible. I had to keep reminding everyone to look out the window, up from their card game, to see what was right beside us.

We got to Assisi after a 2 hour train ride, and it was still pretty overcast and rainy like it had been in Rome yesterday. It was like that all day, on and off raining. It wasn't great weather, especially for a place with such an amazing view, like St. Francis Basilica hanging off the edge of the hill, but we're pilgrims not tourists. We go on our way in every weather. The pilgrimage of life isn't always sunny and 65, so we shouldn't expect our pilgrimage here to be that way. So we faced the cold, wet weather head on, embracing it. I digress.

We boarded a bus to take us up to old Assisi, the train station is in the valley, and we wanted to get to the Basilica of St. Francis at the top of the hill in the old part of town. Once we got off our bus stop, we had a brief walk through the amazing old town on the hill, going up and across the hill through the cobblestone streets, passing small shops whose buildings were hundreds of years old. We arrived at St. Francis, spoke to some of the Franciscans at the entrance about our reservation to have Mass, and one Franciscan told us to follow him. He took us to a chapel underground, part of their priory, and got us set up for Mass. The chapel was underground with stone floors, walls, and ceilings, the only light coming from two big spotlights hung from the top. It definitely gave us a feeling like being back in time with the monks, in a dark, stone chapel, saying Mass as a community. Fr. Bravo said Mass, reminding us the Eucharist was the source and summit of our life, and should be the source and summit of our discernment. We had yet to enter the main Basilica, however, the consesus after Mass: we need lunch.

The Franciscans recommended a restaurant to us, and it was quite a hike up the hill, but it was worth it. Not sure about the other guys, but Austin, Michael, Nick, Martin, Fr. Bravo and I shared some funny stories during lunch. We heard some stories about Fr. Bravo's pre-Jesuit life. We left the restaurant and headed back to St. Francis, but stopped in some of the religious goods stores on the way, which, by the way there are at least one hundred of in Assisi, most of them having the same lineup of icons and images of St. Francis and St. Clare. We bought a few things for our friends and family back home, and, finally, entered into the Basilica of St. Francis.

The best way to compare this Basilica to others is in terms of its style of sacred art and architecture. The churches we had already visited, namely, St. Paul, St. Peter's, the Gesu, and St. Ignatius, are all either late Rennaissance or Baroque style, mostly Baroque (which is Fr. Bravo's favorite style of church). Baroque churches are dramatic, with giant statues, large marble scupltures, paintings flowing with infinite amounts of detail. So, I was surprised when I entered St. Francis and instead saw a classic Gothic style church. Gothic art is pre-Rennaissance, with less detail than Baroque, but by no means simple. 

Entering St. Francis, Fr. Johnson and I were shocked by the infinite amount of color. Every section of wall and ceiling is covered by some color of paint, I'm serious. There are famous frescoes EVERYWHERE. So many frescoes I recognized from images on the Internet or in theology textbooks, dozens of them were created on the walls of this actual church. Fr. Johnson and I did an audio lesson about the Basilica and learned a lot. I'm glad he convinced me, it showed me what all these frescoes meant, that they were intricately planned, and he gave me some lessons on the differences between this Gothic style and the Rennaissance and Baroque styles we were used to in Rome. It was equally as amazing as the other basilicas, but a different experience, simply because of the different style. The Basilica of St. Francis was made in the 13th century, before Rennaissance or Baroque had made their debut. So, I wasn't blown away by the drama and grandeur like the Baroque, but the beautiful, colorful, lively storytelling of the Gothic. The church I go to in Houston is Gothic, so it was cool seeing things I recognized. 

After viewing the frescoes in the upper baslica, we went down to the lower basilica, equally as beautiful. The art here was much better preserved than the 800 year old frescoes up above, as the art in the lower basilica was a mix between 13th century originals and new additions added in later centuries. The side altars in both levels of the basilica were simply beautiful. After going to the lower basilica, we continued on lower one last time to go to the tomb of St. Francis. It is more quaint down there, only a brief hallway that leads to a small chapel with his tomb placed above a small altar, it's all very small and covered in stone. There's lots of art and statues of other Franciscan saints. Fr. Johnson and I both had the same feeling while in there. He told me, "I could stay there forever. It's so calming, I just felt I should stay and never leave, the peace of the beautiful and quiet tomb. I didn't know when to leave until a group of kids came in and broke the silence."

We left St. Francis after visiting the tomb. We went to St. Clare's Basilica, about a ten minute walk from St. Francis. It's much smaller in there, the two main things to see are tthe tomb of St. Clare, also very peaceful and moving, especially seeing the care her body has been given because of her devotion to Christ. Then, the other thing to see is the original crucifix St. Francis was viewing when he had a vision of Christ coming off the cross saying, "Francis, rebuild my Church."

The church we went to next, is the church Francis thought he was supposed to rebuild. Down in the valley of Assisi, there is the Basilica of St. Maria degli Angeli. Francis took the words of Jesus literally, and thought he was supposed to rebuild the small church originally in that spot, falling apart, with a broken roof and wall. He did rebuild the church, later learning God wanted him to rebuild His Church of "living stones", that is Holy Mother Church. The Basilica is built around the small church, called the Porziuncola, that St. Francis rebuilt. The Porziuncola actually church sits in the middle of the nave of a massive Basilica (a Baroque style). After visiting this basilica, we headed back to the train station, and here I sit on the train back to Rome, writing to you about my day.

Here's what stood out for me today. Praying before the Tomb of St. Francis, the Tomb of St. Clare, and the spot where Christ spoke to Francis in a vision in the porziuncola, I felt God's presence. I felt the work done by these amazing two saints, who said yes to God and through that yes, changed their lives and changed the entire world. Their yes to God did not hold them back, it raised them up. Just like the Blessed Mother's yes to God changed salvation history forever. I was meditating on that "yes" whilst praying the first decade of the joyful mysteries, the Annunciation, whilst in the Basilica of St. Maria degli Angeli. How I asked St. Francis and St. Clare to intercede for me, it to help me say that yes to God, to help me know what I'm answering. And I asked God for the ability to say that yes without holding back, to give and not count the cost.

Closing up the iPad now, I hope this gave you a view into our day here. We prayed for all of our benefactors at Mass, we lit votive candles for loved ones. Please continue to pray for us, we have four full days of pilgrimage left. I look forward to the rest of this week and experiencing more of God's presence in these holy places.

P.S.- In all three of these basilicas in Assisi, we weren't supposed to take pictures. We snuck a few, but there aren't nearly enough. We didn't get any of the inside of St. Francis, with the world-renowned frescoes.

Walking up the streets of Assisi

Basilica of St. Francis

St. Francis doors (Gothic style!)

Fr. Johnson, Papal stance

It was cloudy, but still had some cool views down to the valley

Fr. Bravo telling us a story about a former student, this is in context of the story

Whatcha looking at Father?

The guys in front of St. Francis

The plaza where St. Francis gave up all of his possessions

View of the side of the town

The Porziuncola inside the Basilica of Santa Maria degli Angeli

Basilica of Santa Maria degli Angeli from the train station

Day 4 Reflections: Austin

What's happening to me? I'm changing, I'm not the same person I was four days ago. Not dramatically different, but not the same either. 

Tonight, we shared some of our best experiences as a group. Everyone had something powerful to say, often much better than anything on my mind. And I truly hope that everyone else shares what they said as well, because its not my place to share it for them. I can, however, share what meager insights I had myself.

I talked about two moments that have shaped my experience profoundly.

The first happened about an hour ago. Me and Patrick were riding in the back of a bus when we started talking to group of American exchange students. When gave up the fact that we were aspiring to be priests possibly, their natural responses where things like "uh, why?" and "haha yeah you can become a priest so you can let women be priests too." I began to do my best to gently explain who I was and what I believe in, but I quickly realized I was dealing with some very worldy teenage girls, a fallen away Catholic "Im-not-christian" type being one of them. I managed not to offend anyone and we had a nice conversation actually. Reflecting on my feeling in that moment, I was stressed out. My heart was beating fast, I was fighting to keep my sentences coherent. I think my blood pressure might have doubled. I think all these things are natural when we are challenged by people who believe in something else. But there was something else there. Something very powerful that I haven't, even an hour later, quite shaken off yet. It was that feeling of explaining and defending that truth of the faith in a very humble, calm, not-preachy, polite, and collected way. I love that feeling. I love standing up for my God. It's in those moments that I realize how deeply and passionately I believe in what I "preach." Not that I'm anywhere near as solid as say Brandon or Toan at this, but still, I love it. And that feeling carries me. Even when being demanded on the spot to explain "Why on EARTH" I believe in a flying magic God. (Although, I admit, I kinda just did my best and deflected the question to Brandon, who was also a bit caught off guard, understandibly: Hey, we're trying). But in the end, they got off the bus and I turned to that girl, pulled out a rosary and said, "Hey, think about it." She took it. So who knows. Praise God for the little chances. 

For my Second Moment, I shared a little deeper about my adoration experience with Toan yesterday at St. Ignatius. I talked about this in my last post, but theres more to the story. I'm going to be more open now. I was spiritually desolate that whole day before that happened. When I came out of that hour, after a good deal of sobbing (which I admitted to earlier) I had realized two things. The first is that God loves our prayers most when we don't want to pray to him. I elaborated on this in my last reflection. Make no mistake, I definitely was feeling something by the end of that hour. Something great and true and powerful and completely totally indescribable. I re-entered consolation as soon as I recognized that my desolation was just as much of a blessing. But the second important thing was that of pain. God very powerfully told me in that hour, in his loving but stern fatherly way, to "Stop expecting it to be so easy." Nothing worth having is easily won. And nothing is more worth having than God. The logic follows rather smoothly. So again. I want to emphasize that I cried. A lot. And. it. felt. fantastic.

So since then I've been taking my roller coster of spiritual highs and dryness as they come, trying to be content with both. I prayed two and a half rosaries today. One of them was so boring I stopped (which is a mistake, I admit). But the other two were so enjoyable I couldn't believe it. 

Life comes like that. I have to take the good with the bad. I feel fantastic right now. I'm blogging about what I love. I got to see the tombs of some of the greatest Saints in history today. Blaschke is buying me a sandwhich (God bless that man). But who knows what will come tomorrow? It'll probably be fantastic, but if it's not, I will smile anyway I hope. Because pain is important. Suffering is the only way to greatness. And that's a lesson I think Jesus taught fairly clearly by His own example. 

I am so blessed. Thank you all for reading, especially the donors. I truly have been praying for many of you by name, and I love each and every one of you. I would like to finish by quoting the end of one of my favorite prayers. 

"I got nothing that I asked for, but everything that I'd hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers and desires were answered. I am, among all men, most truly blessed."

Thank God -Austin 

Day 3 Reflections: Michael Blaschke

The day started bright and early for me. I struggled to sleep last night as I ate a huge cone of dark chocolate gelato, and I had a sugar rush all night. I woke up about an hour before the other pilgrims in my house. I just sat in bed and prayed until everyone else woke up. I skipped breakfast, as I do regularly, and we headed to the Angelus said by Pope Francis. I thought it was very beautiful, even  though I couldn't understand a word of it. I don't speak much Italian, but seeing the Pope and the way he addressed the crowd was awesome. I couldn't imagine speaking to that many people all at once. After the Angelus, I ate a nice Panini and napped at the Angel House. For those of you that don't know, naps are very important to me. I need my nap, especially when I have to walk a lot, and I got very minimal amounts of sleep last night. 

After my glorious nap (yes, it was that awesome), we went to the Church of St. Ignatius. The architecture in this building was absolutely stunning and beautiful. I'm sure you've seen some pictures already, but the pictures do a disservice to the real thing. This is the only church I have ever been in that had optical illusions. The roof is flat, even though it looks like there is a dome. I couldn't get over the beauty of the place, and it was all painted by a Jesuit brother. I can't imagine Brother Casey painting anything close to this beautiful (no offense). After this, we had a lovely mass in St. Ignatius' room. It was amazing, and Fr. Johnson gave a thought-provoking homily about discernment. I enjoyed the change of pace. Going from one of the most beautiful churches on Earth to a quaint little room was nice. I also like the feeling of a smaller, more personal mass. After this, we went to Gesu, another absolutely breath-taking church. I saw the arm of St. Francis Xavier, yes, just the arm. I'll let you research that story if you are curious (warning, kind of weird). I saw some interesting artifacts that Ignatius owned, and it was cool to see just how humble and simple he lived.

Then we had a spectacular meal, and evening prayer. All in all, today was a great day. I feel closer to God than ever before, and I think this was an eventful day. I really loved learning about some of the Jesuit tradition, and seeing some of the beautiful artworks that these churches have. I loved learning about Ignatius' humble life style. I am thankful to all our donors and all the people praying for us. Know that we are praying for you as well.

God Bless,
Michael Blaschke. 

Day 3 Reflections: Austin

We did see St. Peter's. And yes, it hit Brandon pretty hard if you read his post. I can confirm that. Father Johnson was trying to get us to turn around for the picture, and it took him a while to actually get us to turn around. Here's the picture 

I can remember my feelings exactly. I was kinda trying to smile but I couldn't shake of the awe. It was unreal. I mean, St. Peter's has been my computer background for months and for it to come alive to me was overwhelming. I'm so lucky to be able to see it. We waited an hour to be in there for 10 minutes (because we had to leave for the Angelus), but it was so worth it. How could anyone build something so great?

The best decision I made all day was to go with Toan to his Holy Hour at St. Ignatius Church. Some things have to be experienced to understand. And I'm not one to talk, but what happened their was something entirely different and holy and new. Mr. Romano took a great picture.

Is it a cliché to say that I learned a lot about myself in that hour? About pain mostly. Thats something else I can't explain, but there was crying. We all have so much to learn, it's unbelievable. I prayed for all of you today. Thank you for keeping up with us. And please, we're only human, we need your prayers.

Top of Gesu Church

Day 3: Midday Reflections from Brandon

We're taking a lunch break right now, so I thought I'd share some of the unique experiences we've already had today. To start, a big thanks to Nick for waking all four of us in the Angel House, everyone but Nick slept through their alarms. So we headed over to the Corso House to meet the other pilgrims. We did our morning Liturgy of the Hours together then grabbed breakfast and headed to St. Peter's for the praying of the Angelus led by Pope Francis.

The Angelus starts at noon and we got there right before 11, so we had some time on our hands. Some guys went to grab a bite to eat, but Patrick, Martin, Austin, Fr. Bravo, Fr. Johnson and I decided to stand in the line to get into St. Peter's. It was raining, and the line was very long. We got in line under the assumption we would never get inside before noon, we just wanted to hang out in the Square, and the line was something to do. We shared stories, made jokes, talked about our favorite places so far. We even played "Guess the Saint" by looking at the different statues of Saints lining the Square. Somehow, the line started moving rapidly. It was 11:25 and we were about to enter the part of the line surrounded by barricades, so we thought, either go rush into St. Peter's and out again in time for the Angelus, or we jump out of line just in case. Well, we went for it.

The six of us (Patrick, Martin, Austin, Bravo, Johnson, and myself) entered St. Peter's Basilica. Let me put it this way, I thought St. Paul's had my jaw drop. Well, this place had me transfixed. What I saw as soon as I entered made me lay down on my face and kiss the ground. I walked down the center toward the high altar, and it's quite a walk. There was Gregorian chant going on, and just looking around, I actually felt like I had entered Heaven, that's not a metaphor, I actually felt that. I felt like I was going to cry from sheer joy of the Basilica. I was just staring down the center, looking at the high altar, the statues, the stained glass of the Holy Spirit, it all spoke a heavenly language. Patrick had to physically turn me around to get me to take a picture with them, I heard them telling me to turn, but I truly was transfixed and couldn't think of anything else but that I was in the house of God on Earth. We spent about 15 minutes in there, a laughable amount of time considering the decades it would take to discover everything inside, but we had to head out to see the Pope's Angelus.

We got back out to the Square in a pretty good spot, it was kind of crowded. Pope Francis came out of his window, which is to the right of the square and pretty far; we could only see a small figure in white, but the screens in the Square broadcasted him up close. He gave a sermon, and I was surprisingly able to translate a decent amount. He spoke on love, mercy, the Blessed Mother's role, and the suffering of our fellow Christians in the Middle East. Then, he started the Angelus, which for those of you who don't know is a traditional prayer to the Blessed Mother prayed at noon, which includes three Hail Mary's. I was surprised when he said it in Latin, and very happy, because Latin is my preferred way to pray. So, it was amazing saying the Hail Mary and the rest of the Angelus in unison with the Holy Father. At the end, he blessed all of us in the Square, and headed back inside. It was very moving, seeing the Vicar of Christ and the Successor of St. Peter in person, after learning, reading, and studying about the Office of the Papacy for years. We all agreed it was awesome. 

Last thing I'm gonna mention before grabbing some lunch, as the six of us started to head toward the obelisk to meet with the rest of the pilgrims, we passed two huge circles, one surrounding the other, of Spanish pilgrims dancing and spinning around the huge circles, clapping to a song in Spanish. Patrick, Martin and I jumped in the circle with the Spaniards, following their simple foot patterns, spinning around the circle, and clapping along. I didn't know the words by any means, but I felt lucky to be in a place where people are so friendly, where we truly treat fellow Christians as brothers and sisters. That's an important part of being a pilgrim to me, meeting fellow pilgrims and enjoying their company, celebrating our pilgrimage together.

After that, we headed back to our respective houses, and now here I sit on Mr. Romano's laptop writing this to all of you. I feel like this shared some more reflection than summary compared to yesterday's post, and I hope it truly does. I hope you can tell from my thoroughness and joy in my writing, that these experiences are affecting me. I do feel closer to my Church, I do feel God's voice more clearly, in ways I had not yet experienced. I await our coming experiences with an open mind and a heart ready to grow closer to God.

Francis from the window delivering the Angelus

The six of us in the Square listening to the Pope

Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam

Brandon

Toan and Thomas Neiers: Day 2 Reflections/Stories

Thomas Neiers:

Today was our second day in Rome and we visited St. Paul's outside the walls. I have to admit the first part of the day before St. Paul's I was very lackadaisical in what I did. Just shopping for rosaries and I felt like a tourist instead of a pilgrim. When we got to St. Paul's though it really hit me. I was on a pilgrimage in one of the greatest and most holiest cities. We went inside the Cathedral, and I was just in awe of the beauty and the peace that overtook the place. Walking around, I did take a lot of pictures, but I was totally immersed in the beauty and how much I could feel the presence of God. I especially felt that presence in the Chapel of St. Stephen, the first martyr. He believed so much in God and was so strong in his faith that he died for it. Many followed after him, but I was just in awe of St. Stephen's sacrifice and his resolve and fortitude. That time in the Chapel, I really had a lot of time to reflect on how far I had come from when I first started thinking about being a priest to now and how much I had to grow. The experience I had gave me time to really reflect on my life and how great of an experience I know I am going to have in these next couple days and how much I know I am going to grow in my faith.

On a lighter note, there was a really funny part from earlier in the day outside of St. Agnes that I would like to share. There were two asian girls taking a picture of the fountain outside of St. Agnes. Toan, our one asian pilgrim, and myself happened to walk right in front of them as they were taking a picture. Blaschke yelled at Toan to duck and he did. The two asian girls thought he bowed at them though and they bowed back which I thought was pretty great and that led to Toan's bet with a certain pilgrim (me). The challenge was that Toan had to bow to one of the vendors and say "konichiwa". When he did it to the vendor trying to sell us selfie-sticks at the Trevi Fountain, the vendor asked if he was Chinese or Japanese. Toan and that certain pilgrim (me) started laughing because the vendor was serious in his question and really wanted to know if Toan was actually from China or Japan (He's Vietnamese by the way).

Thank you to everyone that made this trip possible. I will be praying for you, your families, and for the people who asked for intentions. AMDG.

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Toan:

A.J.P.M.

Hey everybody, you finally get to hear from me. Sorry it took so long for me to post something, it's been crazy busy over here. You will hear more from me tomorrow since I will be summarizing day 2 later.

Well yesterday was fun, yet heartbreaking at the same time. I'll start with the heartbreak first lol just to get y'all started. Well we walk a lot as you can imagine in Rome and in doing so we see a few people begging for money. Usually I try to give them something, but when I don't for some reason...for example, if I'm losing view of the group or something else...I beat myself up interiorly. That aside, it really does tug my heart when I see God's children asking for money and people just ignore them like some disease as if they are a nuisance or they don't exist. I mean are we not supposed to see Christ in the poor? Many people complain: "God doesn't talk to me. He isn't real because I can't touch Him." I don't mean to judge anyone but just wanted to exhort each of us to listen to the cry of the poor...the cry of Christ. I'll tell you a secret about Jesus. It's that He always hides under a disguise. You might ask "Why does Jesus hide from us?" It's because if He was to come in His full glory, it would be us who hides from Him. 

Just think about it, when Jesus was physically alive 2,000 years ago, He could walk past you and you wouldn't recognize the reality that He is God. The same is true in the Eucharist, we don't recognize Him (unless by a special grace) that that is Jesus Christ. This secret is also true in the poor. Let us all follow St. John Vianney's challenge to see the dignity of each child as God, especially the poor, by looking into the eyes of Christ and by touching the hands of Christ...in the poor. When we die and see the face of Christ, He won't ask us if we judged if that the person on the street was truly poor or was simply just too lazy to get a job. Let us pray for the grace to see Christ in His children...in each and every person, especially in our enemies and the poor. Servant of God, Bishop Fulton Sheen once said that at the end of our lives we will see two faces....either the loving face of Christ or the horrible face of Satan and one will say.........[whisper] "Mine." Let us labor, by the grace of God, so that we may see the face of Christ. Let us serve Christ in a way that when we meet Jesus that He will say to us "Well done my good and faithful servant...whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me" instead of "Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison,  and you did not care for me." 

On a different note, we went to some religious shops today and we had an awesome time looking at all the gifts we will bring home. My absolute favorite thing in Rome is on random corners or alleys you will see an image of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Each time I see her I am reminded...and so I remind some of my other pilgrims and now you as well "never forget...Mama Mary loves you and she's praying for you." My favorite thing today besides the Mass and my Holy Hour was going to St. Peter's Square. I remember when I was little and I saw the funeral of St. John Paul the Great in 2005 and now I was finally there! It was where we were standing that many Saints were canonized! Also I found two awesome scarves today for the winter season when I go to school at Franciscan University of Steubenville and be a part of the Priestly Discernment Program. It's 2am and I want to sleep so...I have to cut this short. Go to get gelato in Rome at Giolitti!

Side Note: Fr. Bravo is scared easily haha! Gotcha! Shoutout to Mr. Gattis, thank you for everything and we wish you were with us!

Thank you so much for your prayers everyone, please keep them coming! We need as much as we can get! The people that have supported us and that have a special place in my life are in our intentions everyday and at every Mass. Skoumpourdis, I will continue to pray for the repose of your grandmother's soul and for the consolation of your family. May God bless and  love you all! May we all be set on fire with the flames of His most Sacred Heart and with the flames of the Holy Spirit so people can watch us burn with a zeal, a simplicity, and a love that will set the world ablaze!!!

Humbly yours,

Toan